Tuesday, April 29, 2003

'99 Royal Blue Dodge Neon
R.I.P.



The Neon..............
.......is GONE.

A lady ran a red light and Katie slammed into her and now her car is totalled. Everyone in the cars was fine, normal wreck stuff. Scratches, head aches. Katie's going to the chiropracter now. The lady who ran the red light REALLY shoulda been paying attention. She had a freakin BABY in her car AND two elderly people. They were actually taken to the hospital by ambulance, most likely for precautionary procedures.

Speaking of cars, my parents just went to look at a '99 red Dodge Caravan. I guess the insurance money we got from being rear-ended wasn't enough to cover fixing the van and the ammount to fix it was WAY more than the van is worth. Praise God that we're getting a new one. I've wanted my family to get a new van for YEARS now.

7:48 PM [link]

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Sunday, April 27, 2003

I'm working on a new layout already. =D I can't wait for you guys to see it, it's going to look awesome. Well, ok, not as great as this one, but you can deal with it. Ok, I need to wash this hoodie. I wore it to Katie's house once and got her mom's perfume on it or something and it's like really POTENT stuff. I mean, that was like two weeks ago and I can still smell it on here. It's burning my nose. Holy crap.

My brother got back from his trip. Yippee. My dad's in Chicago right now on his little trip. So I've had the car all weekend...I drove it once. =| To the freakin youth center. Wow that was fun. I've had my contacts in for like...two straight days now. Maybe longer than that. I hope my corneas don't....mess up or anything. I'm not sure if I'm going to sleep tonight. I slept a lot today. I'll probably end up falling asleep anyway. =P

Ok, not good. I'm like gaining weight like it's going out of style. And this is when I decide to pierce my stomach. Yay. "Show me your belly button, Mary!" "No, sorry, I'm too fat now."

12:33 AM [link]

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Friday, April 25, 2003

I got the right sea salt now. I woke up a couple times on my stomach these past few nights. Owie. Mmm, someone outside is mowing their yard. Wow, haven't heard that in a while.

3:52 PM [link]

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Thursday, April 24, 2003

Ok, so after I got my belly button pierced, Katie and I went to Walmart and I figured I'd pick up some Bactine and sea salt (they said to clean it with a sea salt and water solution). The only sea salt they had was iodized (last night I kept saying 'iodinized' so pardon me DAN, who probably wanted to correct me the whole time) and then I read that you're not supposed to have anything with iodine on it. =/ Yay. So now I can't use that...I'm just stuck with my Bactine. I think I might try to pick up some normal sea salt if we go to the grocery store or something soon. I need a shower.

6:42 PM [link]

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My sister and I were walking through K-Mart and you know those posters that are fuzzy and have pictures on them for you to color? Well, we saw a "Last Supper" one. Just wanted to share.

1:43 AM [link]

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Wednesday, April 23, 2003

I got my belly button pierced!



Ok, so I was sleeping and I woke up, got online, and Katie was on. She wanted to call me, so she did, then she got a beep, and it was Toni. Toni said that she was going with Eric (her bf) and Nick (her brother) to watch them get tattoos and since the place they were going was only down the block from me and Katie, she came and got me and we met them there. We were just sitting around the place bored and I was sitting on my tax return check of $60 that I conveniently got that day and we girls decided to go to the mall. I cashed my check, ate at Chick-fila, then we went back to the tattoo place, and Eric was just getting his started. I had told Toni and Katie on the way there that I was going to get my belly button pierced and they said I should. I didn't get a chance to ask until Eric was done and they left w/ Toni, but Katie and I stayed and I got it done. I got a silver-y stud with a clear sparkly jewel on it. $50! =O It didn't hurt...until the guy shoved the needle through my flesh, lol. But then that pain was gone...but then he put alcohol on it, that stung a bit. I went and bought Bactine and sea salt to clean it with (that's what my little sheet that she gave me says) and I cleaned it for the first time back at Katie's. My parents don't know about it yet and I have a feeling they won't like that I spent most of my tax refund on this. Ha ha. Oh well.

1:37 AM [link]

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Tuesday, April 22, 2003

I think Valentine's Day should be in April. April 14. Yes, that's a good date to have it. You know why? Cuz isn't spring like the time of 'love' or something? And having it in warmer weather would sure make me feel better about the whole damn holiday. God, now couples are giving each other lovey-dovey crap for Easter. EASTER! Come on, now. A (mostly) pagan holiday about a rabbit...that lays eggs...out its butt...ew. I never thought of that before. Anyway...EASTER! Who-WHO-who gives their boyfriend or girlfriend crap on Easter? Besides like..a box of peeps or something. I'm talking like clothes...and jewelry...Timmy got Katie a plush bunny for Easter once, I thought that was cute. Yeah, until we found the same exact bunny in a dumpster. Katie and her mom gave it to me and we all pretended like I had a boyfriend and HE gave it to me for Easter...or maybe it was Valentine's Day...I don't know. Getting back to my original point, I say we have the overly commercial vomitous holiday in April. I'd like it a lot more.

7:30 AM [link]

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Monday, April 21, 2003

Well, my brother left for his senior trip last night. Brothah free for a whole week! Yippee! I added a bunch of new adopted thingies, they're cute, so go look at them. Sign my guestbook, people, I don't care if you've signed it before. Say hi. =D Ok, well, there's a thunderstorm going on here and my mother and sister are freakin yelling at me to shut the computer off (for crying out loud)...crap, I wanted to burn a CD. =| Stupid storm.

8:17 PM [link]

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Sunday, April 20, 2003

New adopted page for all the cute things I've started adopting. New poem(s) and "notes".

12:42 PM [link]

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Ugh. Ugh ugh ugh. Guess who was at church today. EVERY Sunday I wake up and put on make up and a cute outfit thinking, "Maybe Chris H. will be there today" and he NEVER is. This morning I got up and did the same thing, heck, it's Easter, maybe he WILL be there today. And whaddaya know...HE WAS! Gosh, I thought I was going to throw up. No guy has EVER made me as nervous as he does/has. No guy has EVER intimidated me as much as he does/has. I couldn't pay attention in church at all. I kept looking at him out of the corner of my eye, wondering if he saw me, if he remembered me, if he knew that it was me, Mary. I got extremely hot, my cheeks were pulsating and I'm sure they were bright red, I started shaking like crazy...thoughts were screaming through my head.

What does he think of my hair cut? He never saw my hair long, he probably thinks I have it short all the time. What about my jacket? I'm sitting like a dork. What does he think about me playing with my hair? Did I do that last time I saw him? I probably seem like that stupid 14-year-old to him still. Does he think I still like him? I'm not still obsessed with him like I was...does he know that? Oh gosh, his sisters are right behind me. They're probably thinking how dumb I look. Trying to be all cute with this outfit and jacket. Why did I wear this? I must look like a retard. I should pay attention, Chris probably thinks I'm some punk and only came today cuz of Easter. Does he know I still live at home? I'm such a dork, why did I ever think he'd like me. I can't believe how long I've liked him. Gosh, I'm so freakin hot, my cheeks are burning! He can probably see them and knows it's all his fault. What if he talks to me afterwards? What if he starts talking about his girlfriend...or fiance...or wife? Oh, I think I'll throw up all over him. He can probably see my hands shaking right now. Why didn't I do my nails? He's going to ask what I've been doing and wonder why my nails aren't done when I tell him I'm a nail tech. I knew I should've done my nails.

Of course he DIDN'T talk to me between the services. I sorta ran outta there before he could get a chance, and then continued to avoid direct contact with him. At one point, I waited at the heater patiently for him to come out of the kitchen thinking that he would come out and be like, "Hey, Mary, what's up?" Nope. He was talking to all the men. Then I sat by myself, thinking maybe when he came into the auditorium later he'd sit with me. Nope. So I sat by myself. I caught him looking my general direction a few times. Gosh, I just wanted him to look me straight in the eye. His eyes are so amazing. He's the hottest guy on earth. He's so freakin perfect, no wonder I'm so scared of him. I've never been such a nervous wreck before today. Finally, at the end of the second service, I was standing around, waiting for him to come over and start talking. Never did, but just as we were walking out he said hi to my brother...I looked away, don't want him to think I'm just waiting on him to say my name...and then he said my name and looked right at me. I smiled, gave him a wave, and that was it. Lord have mercy, you would've thought it was my wedding day. I thought I would pass out walking outside the church, then I cursed myself for not talking to him. It seems so easy NOW that I'm not around him. I heard him say something about this summer he'll be in Alabama. Great. Go even farther away from me so I can build up in my head this amazing idea that one day you'll realize how much we'd be perfect for each other and come back and marry me. As freakin if.

12:35 PM [link]

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Friday, April 18, 2003

Nothing ever happens like in the movies. I don't get into arguements with strikingly handsome men and then suddenly end up kissing them. I don't bump into hot guys in the mall and have them chase me all over town to find out my name cuz they find me so intriguing. Every guy I flirt with or check out doesn't do the same back...ok, so none of them do. I never distract any guys from their girlfriends and cause them to change their whole life and break up w/ their girl and run off with me. Oh screw this.

8:15 PM [link]

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I am invisible. I've figured it out. Everyone else is lit up, shining bright. They get noticed. "Oh, how pretty." I'm not. I'm dark and faded. It's like Tinkerbell when she wasn't lit up anymore. No one's clapping for me. Or maybe I'm not clapping for myself. Maybe I'm not plugged into the wall of "I actually give a crap." Cuz I don't. People actually bump into me, like they didn't know I was there. Like birds hitting a window. An unseen object has come into their line of motion. Where did THAT come from? Move, object. Out of my way, insignificant consumption of space. No one remembers me being there. No one notices me going there. No one cares when I leave there.

"Who am I going to hang out with NOW?" Katie whines as Steve-O leaves her at MY house and I'm standing RIGHT there.

"Those boys just whistled at me," Katie says as we both walk through the mall.

"Why did that car beep at me?" Katie asks as she and I stand on her porch.

Yes, I am invisible. No one can see me. No one cares.

6:59 PM [link]

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Thursday, April 17, 2003

You know what, life is teasing me. It's dangling happiness in my face and waving it around and laughing and jeering "Nyah nyah, can't catch me!" Ever since I was 13 I wanted a boyfriend. Ok? I'll admit that right here. It was like my obsession. But, when I was 13, I wasn't exactly "cool". I wore ugly glasses and ugly clothes and I was the shy, weird girl who didn't really have any friends...and the friends I did have were mean to me. So, obviously, I never got asked out or anything. Oh, but I asked guys out. ALL the time. I had major crushes on some guys in my class. But I wasn't "hot". I wasn't "cool". I got rejected COUNTLESS times. When I was 16, it became a joke with myself. Every year in my diary (I have the entries to prove it) I would make bets with myself. First, they started off positive. "I'll have a Valentine's this year! I know it!" or "I'll get a New Year's Kiss this time!"........but after thousands of these "special" holidays came and went and I got SQUAT, the bets became, "I bet I won't have been kissed by the time I turn 17."..."I bet I won't have been kissed by the time I turn 18"....then of course 19, etc. you get the picture. Thankfully, I can no longer play THAT bet, but this introduces yet ANOTHER tease that life is giving me. I finally got a boyfriend. I was freakin 19 and I had my first REAL boyfriend. AND, behold, New Years was coming up shortly! Yipee! Ok, so that year I'll DEFINITELY get my New Year's kiss.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" life says. My boyfriend LEFT me on New Years to go to a party. He said, "I want to get to that party before midnight." Jerk-off. My dream of a New Years kiss shattered (I could hear it hit the ground, I swear.) But, hey, there's always Valentine's Day, right? Um, no. I ended it before then, not because of the New Years thing, but for various reasons. So, I basically screwed myself on that one. Yet, he got some Shawn, the Korean girl, something for V-day, I thought he coulda like at least made me one of those store-bought ones. Yeesh. ANYWAY....

So, now, people are telling me that I'm NOT freakishly ugly, like I used to be. I'm lookin' kinda good. Wow, ok. Guys online tell me I MUST have a boyfriend! I MUST have guys after me! Wow, I MUST get hit on all the time! Of course not!! Life has imprinted a huge "LOSER" on my forehead. I have a force field around me that says, "STAY AWAY!" I NEVER get hit on and if I do, one of my wonderful "friends" tells me that that guy is ALWAYS like that, or he likes EVERY girl, he's just being FRIENDLY, Mary, don't be silly. Why would he hit on YOU? Or, the guy wasn't looking at me, he was looking at Katie! Or Becka! Or Toni! Or Liz! Or one of my other friends who are WAY hotter than I am, of course. I'm just Mary. I'm the FREAK. Why would ANYONE like me? Why would ANYONE think that I'M special? ME? NOOOOOO. Katie tells me all the time that I should FLIRT. Ok, so I tell some guys I think they're hot. What do they do? RUN the FREAK away! They find OTHER chicks to go out with. OH, all the sudden GUYS are concerned about MORE THAN LOOKS. I MUST'VE NOT GOTTEN THAT MEMO!

SO LEMME GET THIS STRAIGHT. WHEN I WAS UGLY, I HAD A GOOD PERSONALITY, BUT GUYS WENT FOR LOOKS, SO I WAS SCREWED. NOOOOOWWWWW THAT I LOOK HALF DECENT, GUYS GO FOR PERSONALITY, WHICH I SEEM TO HAVE NONE OF BECAUSE NO GUYS ARE INTERESTED!!!!

I am SICK of these GAMES. I am SICK of ALL THIS CRAP. I am SICK of being just MARY. The girl who NO ONE cares about, NO ONE wants to BE WITH, NO ONE notices!!!!!! WHY AM I THE LOSER?! WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ONE WRONG?! WHY AM I ALWAYS THE JERK?! WHY DOES EVERYONE ELSE GET TO BE WONDERFUL AND SPECIAL???

I'm just so very sick of all this CRAP. I'm up to my FRIGGIN NECK in lies, hypocricy, and MORE CRAP. I can't take it anymore. SCREW EVERYONE.

6:53 AM [link]

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OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS.

2:40 AM [link]

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Hmm. I remember wanting to blog a few days ago...and then something distracting me. Anyway, Taco Bell was on fire tonight. Lol, well, the place was surrounded by fire trucks and police cars anyway.

I tried to call and schedule my theory test. At first it was a recording and I had to push numbers in to get to where I wanted, WHICH I had no idea where I was going cuz the papers they sent me didn't say. SO, I was up a creek w/o a paddle. I kept having to hang up and call back, first off, cuz the guy on the recording had some sort of speech impediment and there weren't any buttons to push to repeat what he said, and I had no idea what I was doing. Finally, I got it right and got to talk to a real person....who was actually just some middle-aged lady reading off a computer screen. She mumbled the questions to me and I gave her all my info and crap and then it came time to pick where I wanted to take the test and I had no idea where to pick. And I HAD to pick one, she couldn't just GIVE me one. So I said Pittsburgh and here there were TWO places to choose from in Pitt., so I chose the one that sounded the friendliest and then she told me to pick a date. Any old date. Just right off the top of my friggin' head. I was like, "Duuuhhhhh, May 19?" and she said, "May 19, I have an opening at 8 A.M." Eight FRIGGIN A.M.! Then she asked for credit card information for the $60 fee which I SWEAR I already paid!!! Grr, so I had to tell the girl I wasn't prepared to pay any bloody fee cuz I was under the impression that's what the friggin $60 money order I sent you was for! GAH! So I had to hang up and I'll have to do that crap all over again. Lord have mercy.

Oh, now I remember why I wanted to blog before. I've been having some pretty freaky dreams lately. The other night I had a dream that my brother tried to shoot me, but I hid under my desk and called 9-1-1, but they didn't believe me. I was like, "There's bullet holes in the door! Come on!" Then another dream I had, I was driving w/ Katie and we went to the youth center and when I got out of her car, I realized that I didn't have pants on. But I had my shorts-underwear things on and I went inside and I kept thinking that everyone would think I was a ho for wearing such short shorts. And of course there were TONS of people in the youth center. =| Luckily it was just a dream.

I was already thinking of a cool new layout for my site, but not sure if I'll actually do it. Wow, this is a long post. Hope you enjoyed it.

2:35 AM [link]

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Thursday, April 10, 2003

Well, I FINALLY got my papers back about my license tests. My practical test is schedule for May 12! Yay! I have to call about my theory test tomorrow. Ooo, and I got my temporary license today, too, so now I can go apply at salons! I'm so excited!

Ok, I changed the "friends" page a bit. I added some really cute pictures for each friend on there, so go check it out. Don't forget to check out my galleries. There are two new groups of pics for you to look at!

11:10 PM [link]

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Wednesday, April 09, 2003

Well, I changed some stuff around. Fixed links, added links, etc. My Galleries are up now, so go take a look at all the new pics! =D Oh, and I changed the "people I look like" page a bit, so be sure to check that out too.

5:45 PM [link]

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Saturday, April 05, 2003

Ok, I got rid of the pink and put in Alex. *drools* Like the new layout? Well, I certainly do! Lol. Hopefully it'll be up shortly and you all can read this. Blogger is being a witch and not putting up my stuff right away. Grrr.

11:46 PM [link]

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